Saturday, September 24, 2011

day follows night

So. Here I am. I'm aboard a train to  Sweden, via Copenhagen. On my own.
Let me tell you something. People come into our lives for a reason. Some amazing, blessed beautiful people.  Some you may consider just plain bad and wouldn't pee on them if they were on fire.  Then a few in between.
I like to think that most of the people that enter my life are from the first option.  I believe it! All of you, family, friends, readers. Have all touched my heart - hence why we're connected.

Then sometimes people enter your life and put a foul taste in your mouth.  They take advantage of you, your kindness, your spirit, your heart.  They are selfish.  They exist!  But we do not need to attract then into our existence.  If, for whatever reason you have attracted one of these people, like I have, well we need to look at the reason why. Why did this person enter my life, put vinegar onto a wound, a wound that was never there in the first place? Ouch.

Where am I going with this? Stay with me folks I'm getting there.

So my travel buddy, most of you are aware who this is.  He is not who I thought and hoped he'd be. Not a companion to tour Europe with, not a comrade to drink wine with, not a friend to rely on. Not a human being with respect, responsibility or resolve in their being.  He has what I would call an underdeveloped mind and devoid of emotion. Not able to communicate like an adult. No compromise, no discussion, nothing. Nothing but a passive-agressive, immature, irresponsible behaviour that has truly saddened and disappointed me. 

Stay with me guys...

This person has in 1.5 weeks, stayed out drunk and not returned home 3 times. I worry, he has a dead phone battery twice, then the third time actually lost the phone. I do worry, this is a normal emotion to have for a friend, especially when we are over the other side of the world.  Apparently if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't worry. Awesome!

Yesterday evening, we were separated again, not a big deal, it was early still. But when I did see him I asked if he was organising another phone to which he simply says no.  I explain why I think its necessary, trying to discuss the importance of us needing to be there for eachother while we are in foreign lands for the next 2 months. Explaining we need to back eachother up and watch out for eachother. He has no responses, passive-agressive, unable to communicate.  I get one response I dont know what the big deal is, girls travel alone all the time.  Wow. I agree, yes they do but I am new to this, I'm not other girls, I say he isn't comprehending anything I've been saying.  If I was happy to travel alone, I would have done it by now. He says: did you want to go out tonight? Me: no thank you I'll be ok.  He then sprays himself with deodorant, walks out without a word, no goodbye - nothing.  I am shocked, what just happened? Are we children in a sandpit and I just stole his truck, so he storms off? I cry wondering who this person is, why am I travelling with someone that doesn't care?  I cry, upset with confusion and fear.

He doesn't return.

When I wake next morning he is there sleeping, I shower, change and get ready. He does not wake although I saw his eyes peek open. I head downstairs to use the internet for one hour. Go back up to wake him and he's gone. Bags, bed linen, everything.  He's checked out, without a word, not bothering to come and speak to me. He would have seen me at the computer when he checked out. I have no words.  I  shakily pack my bag, and check out. I waited another hour downstairs, I was there until midday - still nothing.  I speak to my Uncle Adam, my Godfather.  We agree best thing for me to do is make way for Sweden asap.  I've resigned myself to the fact I've been abandoned.  This person who has let me down and left me behind is no friend. This persons actions are a disgrace. Who would ever do this? What would a person have done to be treated so?

Well all I can do is pick myself up. Find strength, it does exist it me.  Sometimes I just deny it's there. We all do.  I can continue my journey, I can make this worth my while.  I have the faith, people have faith in me and I have my Angels.

So from this experience. I learn, I am strong, I am smart, I am capable. I had reservations about trusting and travelling with this person, so again I  learn my instincts are right and to trust in them always. I learn I don't need anyone to hold my hand. 

So to wrap up this tangent, people will turn up and mess with you a little. It happens. But by God are we resilient! When we live without fear we will always be ok.


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